Bring The Drugs Baby, I Can Bring My Pain
by allthebrokenhearts
Summary: Kurt breaks up with Blaine because he's leaving for New York and doesn't want the potential heartbreak to cloud his mind while he's in college.  Loads of Blagst - focus is mostly on Blaine .
1. The Future Don't Exist

_This is dedicated to Janni._

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><p>Blaine loved it when Kurt called him late at night, just to say something sweet. Sometimes, it was 'I love you', others 'I miss you'. Blaine didn't care if it was three in the morning. It was a nice thing, especially since Kurt always talked of his sleep as the most important thing in his skin rituals.<p>

But when Kurt called that Sunday night around two, it wasn't to say something sweet. Blaine smiled when his buzzing phone woke him up. He answered with a smile. But Kurt hello didn't seem like a promise of something good and Blaine smile faded as fast as it had come upon his face.

"I can't sleep," Kurt said. Blaine knew that tone. It was the one Kurt used when something was wrong. Blaine felt nervousness sneaking up to take hold of his mind.

"I have been thinking about next year you know. And honesty. This is going to hurt. I should have thought this through. It's just, Blaine, I don't think we can make it next year, you know? I don't think we can. And I can't wait for heartbreak. I can't have that clouding my mind in college. We need to end this, Blaine, I'm so sorry."

Blaine was holding the phone to his ear, not believing he was awake. Kurt's voice didn't really shake. It didn't show much emotion or regret. Blaine was trying to figure out some sort of reply, while Kurt asked his name a couple of times.

"I guess I will see you in the morning." Blaine listened as Kurt hung up and then stared at his phone.

"I'm not dreaming," Blaine said, out loud to prove it to himself. He pinched himself. No, it definitely wasn't a dream. More something like a nightmare. This was a nightmare, where his boyfriend broke up with him _over the fucking phone_. Blaine kept back the tears for a while but had to give up in the end, the sobs breaking the silent darkness.

When Blaine woke up next morning, after a few hours of uneasy sleep, it was on a still damp pillow. He still had his phone in one hand, the other one hung over the edge of the bed. He looked at the phone and almost wanted to scream at it, when he saw a happy message from Mike, asking about the double date they had planned. It was even followed by a fucking smiley – _a fucking happy smiley_. Like this was a good day.

Blaine called Mike up without thinking further about it. The sound of Mike's voice seemed a little far away, making Blaine turn up the volume on his phone a bit. He couldn't tell Mike, that they had broken up. He couldn't say it out loud. But it didn't occur to Blaine that he had been completely silent under almost the whole call until Mike hung up.

Then Blaine remembered that he was supposed to sing in glee club later - with Kurt. Oh hell. Could the timing have been any worse? Couldn't Kurt at least have waited, so it wouldn't end up in this awkward shit?

Blaine stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. Looked in the mirror and saw a face he could hardly recognize. There was this look in these eyes, Blaine hadn't seen in a long time. It was almost like they were pleading for everything to end. Blaine let his mind slip for bit and his eyes wandered over his shaving equipment. And he thought about it for a moment - about the future. He thought about how he didn't have to face it.

He stood for a moment and then realized he had just considered suicide. Blaine Anderson didn't believe that suicide was the way out of _anything_ and there he was, thinking about it? What was wrong with him? He looked back into the mirror. He burst into sobs again, when he saw the desperate look on his very own face. Still crying, he got behind the shower curtains and turned on the water. He got under and let go of as many tears as possible. At least he could pretend it was the water from the showerhead that way.

When he got to the kitchen, no one was there. He was alone and had been so for two days. Not that it was new to him. He had spent a lot of time on his own. But at that moment, when he sat down with his bowl of muesli and red eyes, he wished there had been someone else. Just somebody to get his mind of things for a while and make him laugh, maybe - someone like Kurt.

But it was Kurt's fault he was there, alone and crying over his breakfast. But Blaine couldn't bring himself to blame Kurt. Kurt was also beautiful, perfect and everything good in the world. So why was Blaine hurting so much? Blaine slammed his head into the table, beside the bowl. It hurt. A lot, really, but Blaine didn't notice all that much. There was pain other places in his body, stabbing knives and forcing out tears.

When Blaine was putting on a jacket, he did it front of the mirror in the hallway, like always. His hair was a mess, his eyes red and he wasn't sure he had remembered all his books. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was talking sense to himself. Trying to convince him to maybe just stay at home and cry it out. He could give himself a little time. But instead he got out of the door and into his car.

When he got out of the car, the first person he saw was Kurt. Kurt, who was swaying his hips like always and smiling at Rachel, Mercedes was walking up to them and linking arms with them both, grinning as they walked over to Finn, who leaned down and kissed Rachel. Blaine couldn't take it. Any other day he would have walked over there and taken Kurt by the hand, but he couldn't. Kurt wasn't Blaine's boyfriend anymore. They weren't together.

Blaine stomach felt like it turned and the taste of his breakfast returned n his mouth. He almost threw up right then and there, but kept it inside when Sam shouted his name. The blonde was running towards him, Mike right behind him. Blaine stiffened. What Sam was saying, he didn't hear. What he did hear was Mike asking, why they had to cancel the date. Blaine looked over at Kurt again and then plastered a fake smile on his face, keeping the tears back. He just couldn't break down now.

Sam looked over at Kurt too and then back to Blaine, who was still trying to keep up the fake smile. He failed though, looking even more miserable. Mike put a hand on Blaine's shoulder and apologized. Blaine shook his head shortly and then started walking towards the school entrance on shaking legs. Mike was right by his side, asking why they had broken up. Blaine stopped to look at him, took a deep breath and then spoke the best he could, his voice rough from the crying.

"Go ask Kurt, he knows better than I do." With that, Blaine turned and walked through the doors of the school. Inside he almost fell into one of the hockey players, who pushed him towards the wall. Blaine hit the surface hard. Not that he really cared. Not that he really felt it. Tina sat down next to him and started talking to him, helping him up and taking him to class. He didn't even remember seeing her before she was beside him.

It all went by in a blur. Blaine couldn't say anything that made sense, nor could he concentrate for very long without sobbing dryly.

When it was time for glee, Blaine was in the bathroom stalls throwing up. After keeping it back all day, it had won the fight and Blaine sat down in front of the toilet-bowl, wishing he were someone else. Not that it was new to him. Before Kurt he had wished to be a lot of people. People with parents who cared and far more trivial problems like 'what am I going to wear for this party'?

Blaine walked in just as Rachel was talking very loudly about their upcoming competition and what songs they should sing. But the moment he stepped a foot in the room, everyone turned their eyes to him, except Kurt, who was looking down at Mr Schue, who obviously didn't know what was going on. Why and if Mike had told the others, Blaine didn't know. But he knew, that if Kurt lifted his eyes to look at him, just once, he would fall to he knees and cry so hard it might just kill him.

He sat down on a chair far from the others. He ignored the stares the best he could, trying to forget who else was in the room. But he could feel the eyes on him and hear the faint whispers. There was something about how they all talked about him but not to him, that made him feel more alone than he ever had.

At first when transferring to Kurt's school, Blaine had known, that if they were to break up, he'd move back to Dalton. But it was Monday and moving in the middle of a week was complicated. Blaine would know: he'd done it because of Kurt before. But moving out of Dalton was way easier than moving in.

When his name was mentioned, Blaine figured that he'd need to say something. But Kurt beat him to the case and told Mr Schue their duet was cancelled. The way Kurt said it was kind of cold.

"Why did you guys break up anyway?" Puck asked. Something clicked in Blaine. Last night, he had known he wasn't dreaming. Since that realization he'd been in a blur. But all the smoke lifted from his mind at that moment. People knew he was single now. They had questions. But they _knew_. Kurt had started explaining himself to Puck. Blaine turned in his chair and looked at the two of them. Kurt's face was blank and he dryly explained his reasons while Puck looked at him in utter disbelief. The whole club did, really. Even Rachel, who had briefly mentioned something about breaking up with Finn before she left Lima behind for New York, seemed to think Kurt was acting odd.

Blaine was just staring at the other boy. When Kurt turned his eyes to Blaine, Blaine stood up and picked up his stuff. Then he turned on his heel and left the room. A few voices called after him, but no one came running, so Blaine walked all the way out to his car, got in it and drove home. He drove home to his empty house and locked himself in his room. The pictures of polo players on his walls seemed silly to him all of a sudden. Like it would make him better at the sport. Then there were the pictures on his desk. There was one picture of him and the rest of the Warblers – before Kurt, one of him and Kurt in uniforms right after they'd started dating, one from Kurt's junior prom and one they had taken during the summer. Blaine picked all of them up with Kurt on them and threw them out.

When the photos hit the bottom of the empty trashcan there was a faint sound of some of the glass breaking. Blaine felt a single tear find it's way down his chin. He really couldn't believe he even had more tears left to spill, but they kept coming. He looked at the picture-frames for a moment before turning his back to the trashcan and walking to his bed. He could hardly look at the damn thing. Blaine could only imagine, that what he was feeling was what a left back family would feel walking through a house that once held another family member. He could remember all the things that had happened in the bedroom.

Blaine sat down on the bed and stared at the wall in front of him, waiting for it to fall down on top if him. But when a few minutes had passed and nothing had happened, Blaine pulled out his phone and texted David.

_Make room in the choir, will you? I'm heading back soon._ He put down the phone, lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. His phone buzzed under his arm. I did so a few times before he realized David was calling him. When he picked up, there where a lot of both happy and slightly concerned voices meeting his ear.

As Blaine explained to his friends, that he was now single, he started crying again, because this was yet another way of confirming the break-up. It was honestly ripping him in halves and it was hard to understand that it was all over. Almost a year had they lasted and then a sudden break. A sudden crack in the perfection they had started to form. It was ruined. It was gone like smoke from a dying fire. Blaine felt so _fucking_ hopeless.

All his Dalton friends were trying to comfort him except Sebastian who was talking to somebody in the background.

"_I told Hummel. Blaine's too good for him_."

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><p><em>I'm sorry for any typos andor misspellings. _


	2. I Think You Lost Your Morals

_Thank you so much for the wonderful response._

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><p>Some time during the evening, Blaine's mother arrived home. Blaine didn't hear the door or her footsteps on the stairs. But when she knocked on the door, he got up from his bed and opened the door.<p>

"I'm home," she said gently and smiled at him. He nodded. He didn't care much. On one hand, he almost wanted to throw himself into her arms and let her comfort him. But he hadn't hugged the woman in so long, he wasn't sure he wouldn't just fall right through her. She looked at him with concerned eyes and asked if he had been crying. He smiled at her and shook his head. He couldn't find comfort with her anymore. There had been to many times where she had failed him for that.

She patted him on the head a few times, making him feel very small. Young. And then she turned around and walked back down the stairs. For a moment, Blaine wanted to follow her down and ask about her trip. He wanted to ask, if she had met some nice people or seen something beautiful. But he stopped himself. He remembered that he didn't really know the woman. She was his mother, sure. But they never talked like that. It was the sadness pressing in his chest that wanted to talk to her.

Blaine ended up on his bed again. He stayed there for a long while before something happened again. Sebastian was calling him. Blaine stared at the screen for a while. He wasn't about to just give it all up to the guy, just because he was hurting. Blaine picked up, slowly lifting the phone to his ear.

"_Hey handsome. You doing okay?"_ Sebastian asked. His smirk was audible but his voice was oddly soft. Blaine didn't answer. There was a lump stuck somewhere in his throat - because Sebastian _knew _about him. He knew what had happened.

Sebastian went on, talking about how happy all the Warblers were about Blaine transferring back. Blaine wanted so badly to smile while Sebastian talked, but he just couldn't. His face was frozen in a mixture discomfort and sorrow. It was starting to hurt a little in the muscles of his face, but he'd rather that than looking completely blank. Blaine had always preferred to feel pain to being numb.

"_Do you want to meet up_?" Sebastian asked suddenly. Blaine swallowed before thinking. He didn't really want to go out, honestly. But something told Blaine that he might want to consider it. He felt it might be a good idea to get out, look at someone and talk to them. There weren't really anybody for him to talk to. He almost felt parentless thinking something like that. He said yes in the end. Agreed to Tuesday.

"_I'll see you tomorrow, beautiful_." Blaine couldn't help but sob when Sebastian hung up. Those words were words Kurt had used to describe him – they weren't supposed to come from anybody else. Blaine looked out of the window for a moment. The sky wasn't visible because of clouds, so the stars were invisible too. He couldn't care. The loneliness hit him at that moment. It was around that time of night were Kurt would call to say goodnight. Silent tears streamed down Blaine's face when he got up, out of the bed.

Even though it had gotten late, he knew his mother would be downstairs. He went down there so he wouldn't have to eat alone. On the way down, he tried his best to stop the tears, but he couldn't. So when he walked into the kitchen, it was with still wet eyes. His mother looked at him for a moment. Her facial expression changed from calm to concerned in a heartbeat. She got up from where she was seated and rushed to him. He smiled at her through the tears and simply stated that Kurt had broken up with him. She sighed and kissed his cheek.

"Your father will be home in an hour," she said as she turned away from him. He stared at her back. That was all? He knew there wasn't much comfort to find within her, but she could have said something more. Blaine looked at his mother for a moment. She was making herself a cup of coffee. Something inside Blaine made him want to shout at the woman. He wanted to shout at her, how tired he was of her not caring, how much he wished she had never given birth to him. But he didn't say a thing. He simply sat down with her by the dinner table and flashed fake smiles until he heard his father walk through the front door.

At the sound, Blaine got up and left the table. He knew what his father would say when he found out that Blaine had been left. He would simply say, "I told you so". He had never believed that there was anything between the two of them. Blaine had more than once stood to yell at his father for that reason.

"I'm going to go to bed," Blaine said as he walked through the door and towards the stairs. He briefly shared a glance with his father, who honestly looked ready to rip Blaine into pieces. He came home in that mood once in a while and ended up doing nothing but fighting with Blaine. Blaine ran up the stairs and let himself into his room.

He fell onto the bed after three shaking steps and slept uneasily until his mother knocked on his door. He looked up at his alarm clock only to see it turned off.

As he got up, he realized he had been without Kurt for more than 24 hours. He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror. His eyes weren't red, but empty. Suddenly it hit him, that he was feeling worse than the day before. He tried as hard as he could to cry, sob or just _anything_. Nothing happened. All he could press out were a few fake and not very affective choked whimpers.

"Shit," he cursed under his breath. Becoming numb wasn't good. He felt dead - he even looked dead. His skin was paler than usual, his eyes not red from crying but simply bloodshot. The feeling filling him was more painful than the hurt he had felt the day before, but it didn't trigger any tears. Blaine felt like a shell.

On his way out of the door, his father caught him by the shoulder and turned him around to face him. They looked at each other for a moment, before Blaine's father asked him why he had been in such a hurry to get away the night before. Blaine stared blankly at him. There was a smile on his father's face that Blaine hadn't seen since he had come out. Something in Blaine stomach twisted. He felt something, but it wasn't pain. He pushed his father backwards and stared at him with angry eyes for a moment.

"I'm not straight just because I'm single," he spat at his father before turning around again and walking out the door.

The whole day was clouded to Blaine, anger slowly building inside him every time he saw Kurt or when somebody mentioned his name. Blaine looked at his watch before glee and decided to skip it. He couldn't risk an outburst, so he called up Sebastian who agreed to skip practice too.

When Blaine walked in to the Lima Bean, Sebastian was already seated at a table in the corner with two cups of coffee and a broad smile on his face. Blaine couldn't be angry with him, for some reason.

"Hey you," Sebastian greeted. Blaine nodded in return and sat down. As he started to drink the coffee, Sebastian started small talking. Blaine didn't really listen, but nodded and shook his head at the right times.

"You aren't listening," Sebastian stated suddenly. Blaine looked him straight in the eyes and smiled coldly, shrugging.

"I know I'm not exactly the person you want to be sitting here with, but I am, Blaine. I'm putting my want for you aside here. I'm trying to be a good person right now. I want to listen," Sebastian said. Blaine looked at his forehead to avoid eye contact. Maybe Sebastian should just turn of the whole caring-guy thing. It wasn't helping. It was frustrating for Blaine to be sitting across from a guy who was usually very blunt in everything he said, but had changed into some caring boyfriend type. Blaine's mind went straight to Kurt and his stomach clenched at the thought, making him almost throw up the coffee on the way down his throat. And then he said it out loud. That he didn't need Sebastian's pity.

"What do you need then?" Blaine looked down at his hands and thought for a moment. He realized that he wanted to know that he was still the same. He needed to be confirmed that even without Kurt to tell him so, he was still this good-looking guy.

"To feel wanted," Blaine mumbled and sipped up more coffee. "And friends. But I have David and Wes for that." Sebastian chuckled and sat down his cup, a slight blush in his face. Blaine couldn't find the feeling of surprise inside, even if he wanted to. It was the first time Sebastian hadn't been completely cocky towards him.

"Can you give me that?" Blaine whispered, suddenly, slightly surprising himself. Sebastian seemed surprised too, but got up and started putting on his coat. Blaine followed suit, silently following Sebastian out.

Sebastian's house was just as empty as Blaine's would normally be around five in the afternoon. It wasn't cold or unpleasant, just empty. Another empty than the kind Blaine was feeling. He suddenly felt a hand on his lower back and a careful kiss on his shoulder. He took of his jacket and hung it up before turning to Sebastian, tilting up his head to meet the other in a kiss.

Blaine felt a pair of hands slowly sliding down to his ass, and then up under his shirt, slowly stroking his lower back. Blaine couldn't help but feel slightly sick. Was he really doing this? Was he really about to have sex with some person he had been turning down forever? Apparently he was, because this person was slipping his hands down the back of Blaine's underwear. Despite not having felt pain in a while, Blaine suddenly felt it when he felt Sebastian's tongue slipped in his mouth and fingers started digging into the cheeks of his ass. Hot, silent tears started streaming down his face.

Sebastian pulled back and looked at him with a concerned look on his face. Blaine tried to pull him back in, but Sebastian shook his head.

"I'm not going to have sex with you while you cry, Blaine. That just isn't right." Blaine stared at him in disbelief.

"Since when did right and wrong start to bother you. Just fuck me," he spat and almost violently pulled Sebastian back in. The other grabbed Blaine hands and forced him up the wall, staring him straight in the eyes.

"I don't get what the fuck is wrong with you right now, Anderson. You're the hottest piece of ass in this town, but Hummel went and fucked that shit royally and now you're the biggest mess I've ever met. Don't get me wrong - I want you. But not like this. This is not what you need, we both know that, Blaine. I can hold you and all that, but we're not having sex."

Blaine's eyes blurred as the tears streamed down his cheeks. This was so fucking _absurd_ and unbelievable. Why wouldn't Sebastian just shut the fuck up already?

"You are not supposed to give a shit about feelings. That's why I wanted to have sex with you, you son of a bitch. I just want your dick, so shut the fuck up before I get any more angry," Blaine yelled, his whole body suddenly pulsing with anger. Sebastian let go of him and turned away, pulling at his own hair.

"Please," Blaine whispered, feeling a sudden need to feel that anger again. At least with that he wouldn't feel so much like an unfilled shell. It least it could make him feel a little less dead.

"No," Sebastian answered, his back still turned towards Blaine, who let his hands grab onto the white fabric of Sebastian's uniform shirt. There was no reaction from the taller boy, so Blaine decided to start tugging it out of his pants, stepping closer. It felt so odd, because he was slightly slimmer than Kurt and also taller. Very different in his looks and it didn't really do much for Blaine.

"I don't get it," Sebastian said as Blaine started unbuttoning his shirt from behind. "I don't understand how he can ruin you like this in less than two days. Look at you, so fucking desperate all of a sudden. Lifeless and needy."

Blaine's face screwed up in an expression he knew wasn't too attractive. It hurt to hear it said out loud, that he wasn't himself. He buried his nose between Sebastian's shoulder blades and sighed at the smell of the skin exposed to him.

"You will regret this once you stop being to upset," Sebastian continued. Blaine didn't want to hear it, so he started to kiss the skin under his lips slowly. Sebastian sighed and pulled away again and took Blaine's face between his hands.

"You don't want this, Blaine. Just stop, okay? Come." Sebastian dragged Blaine up to his bedroom and threw him on the bed and got up behind him, holding tightly on to the other boy. Blaine's eyes were dry as he fell asleep, his back pressed against Sebastian's chest. It felt wrong, but he couldn't care. At least he felt something.

Sebastian slowly slid Blaine's phone out of his pocket and wrote Kurt a short message.

_I hope you're happy. Blaine's completely fucked now, all thanks to your selfish ass. – Sebastian._

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><p><em>This took a little longer than expected, but I had a lot of homework and so, yeah, it drew out.<em>


	3. They See My Brain Melting

_Blaine takes a slight U-turn in this chapter, but I really hope you will go with it. It get's good at the end, I promise (writing wise)_

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><p>Blaine woke up in the middle of the night, staring at the wall in front of him. Sebastian was pressed tightly against him from behind, with his arms around Blaine's stomach. Blaine realized he was going to miss school.<p>

"You up yet?" Sebastian asked, slightly concerned tone to his voice. Blaine shifted a little and the arms around him disappeared. Blaine turned to stare at Sebastian, embarrassed when he remembered how he had behaved the day before. How desperate he had been and how angry he had gotten - even if the last part didn't bother him _that_ much. It had taken the pain away for a while, making him forget a little.

"I'm awake," Blaine finally managed as he sat up. Sebastian looked at him in slight concern, but didn't say anything in return.

They both skipped school, hanging around Sebastian's house hour after hour. Blaine's phone vibrated at one point, neither noticed until five in the afternoon. It was from Kurt. Really, there were a lot of messages - 17, to be exact. Blaine stared at the phone for a moment before looking up at Sebastian.

Opening the messages was hard. But once Sebastian had taken the phone and started reading out loud, until Blaine was sobbing violently against the pillows of Sebastian's bed.

_You have got some nerve writing from his phone. _

_I realise this is not easy for him – I've seen his face. But that doesn't mean this is easy for me. I hate this, but I can't go to New York having him on my mind._

_If you fuck him while he's crying, I'll kill you._

_Answer me, Sebastian._

_He's vulnerable. _

_I can't believe you, god. You tell me I'm the bad guy?_

_He needs the time to recover. _

_I know I've done wrong, but what you're doing right now is so much worse. You can't really believe this is good for him, can you? _

_You know what? Keep him happy. _

_I guess the fact that he's given in to you says something - about him._

_But if you are forcing this on him, I'll kill you._

_I don't care that he isn't mine any more. I will kill you._

Sebastian looked up between those from the night before and those Kurt had sent throughout the day. Blaine had simply nodded; he wanted to hear the rest, silent tears rolling down his cheeks.

_Blaine?_

_I don't want you back - I hope you realise that. I don't care if you slept with him. I just need you to know that I do not want you back._

_And you need to forget us, Blaine. _

_It's never going back again._

_I still love you; I just can't with the whole New York deal._

Somewhere along "you need to forget us", Blaine had lost it. He couldn't listen, couldn't do anything but cry, cry, cry. Sebastian was staring at him. Blaine just shook violently for some time, before returning to a somewhat stable state again, finally reaching out for his phone. Without either of them noticing, about half an hour had passed.

Inside, Blaine was still hurting from the last couple of messages Kurt had written. For someone who had loved him so much over the last year, Kurt really had turned 180°. Blaine was trying to make up his mind about if he really believed Kurt meant it.

It seemed too unreal to be happening. Sebastian was still looking at him, as if he was waiting for something more. Some of the rage from the night before, some of that anger. But Blaine didn't feel it. There was nothing but wonder and regret to be found.

"What now?" Sebastian wondered out loud, still looking at Blaine. Blaine shrugged, the tears where drying on his cheeks and the sobs had died down.

"How do you feel?" Blaine looked up in disbelief, eyes blank. It was Sebastian's turn to shrug and Blaine couldn't but smile just a bit. Sebastian's whole face lit up in response and he laughed a little, suddenly making Blaine very aware of the fact that he had just _smiled_. That was progress, right? Somewhere inside that thought hurt him slightly. It was progress in turning away from Kurt and that was terrifying to think of.

"Hollow," Blaine finally said, drawing his lips tightly together in a thin line before lying down on his back.

"Want to talk about it?" Blaine didn't want to. It was too personal to share with a guy like Sebastian.

"No."

Coming home felt as the oddest thing Blaine had ever done. Mostly because he was used the house being empty, bur for some reason the house help was there, at 7 am.

"You missed school yesterday, they called to ask if you were sick." Blaine walked into the kitchen and sat down on one of the barstools his father had bought alongside the new bar. It was a we-are-home-a-lot-bar he would show of whenever they had company. Usually Blaine would go to his room when his father got like that. Cold and fake, with that big smile plastered all over his face.

"I fell asleep at a friends," Blaine said. Laura didn't look up from her work. She was standing over the sink, washing dishes.

"I called down to St Ann's Hospital, asking for you," she said. It stung slightly, because he knew that the last time she did so, he had been there; beat up. But he didn't answer her, he couldn't.

"So you were at Kurt's I'm taking it?" _No, I was crying my eyes out, begging to be fucked by a guy who turned out to be the most supportive person in my life._

"Yeah. I need to pack my bag."

School. Indifference. Fuck it, honestly.

Blaine was in the middle of Spanish, listening to that new, hot, _hot,_ teacher. But he realized that he could not bring himself to give a single fucking shit about anything that was said in the classroom, so when the attention was turned to him for him to talk, he stood up and walked out without a word.

He walked down the hall, out on the football field, into the sun. He looked up at the sky above him, all blue and really lovely, if it wasn't for the fact that he didn't care at all. Not one bit. That hollow feeling was getting to him, hunting him into a darker place than he dared to think of. Mainly, he was scared about the whole thing, losing himself to a black hole of nothing and _fuck this shit_.

Anger, he decided to call it, just make him feel more at ease, even if it was a big lie. A big lie he was going to tell not only himself, but also other people, just to convince them he had control over everything.

When a few clouds showed themselves, Blaine walked in again, towards the choir room. He didn't know what he felt, when he walked in and saw Kurt sit right there on a rad plastic chair laughing at something Tina was saying. When people turned to look at Blaine, he simply walked up and took a chair on the opposite side of the room from Kurt. It was the most childish thing he had done in a long time, but it suddenly felt more right than anything he had ever done - at least within the last few days. It felt better than yelling at Sebastian, better than crying. It was satisfying, to rebel, even if it was to just simply ignore the others. He maintained that feeling until Mike chose to sit beside him, smiling fondly.

"I'm free to talk, whenever," Mike stated. Blaine didn't even look up at him. Blaine did somewhat miss talking to Mike, but for talking that deeply, Mike wouldn't do. It was just far too personal, on some level. Even if Mike was the most understanding of Blaine, considering his very grown up relationship with Tina.

"I'm just angry, is all," Blaine mumbled and then went back to ignore the others. Even when Kurt got up and sang, Blaine didn't look up. He did notice, that the song was directed somewhat at him, but Blaine couldn't care. When he looked up at Kurt, there was a stabbing pain in his heart for a fraction of a second, but then nothing. He was sitting there, staring at the most beautiful bot he knew and he didn't feel anything.

Hearing that it was over for good from Kurt had made the difference to him, proved to be enough for him to give it all up.

When Blaine walked out through the main entrance of the school, he was met with the sight of his car spray-painted with bright, red paint.

_Fairy_

Blaine looked at the small group of jocks stand a few feet away from his car. They were laughing a bit, pushing each other, talking, one of them pointing to Blaine. Blaine dropped his bag right on the stairs and walked towards them. Nothing ran through his head. There was completely silent when he went right up to the group of jocks and took the first swing at the nearest of them. They were in such shock from the fact that he had reacted like that; he managed to get the guy on the ground and punch him 'til was bleeding from both his nose and mouth. People were gathering, staring, yelling.

Blaine didn't see anything, didn't hear anything, and didn't sense anything. He was running on pure instinct to feel. Even if it was pain from being attacked by the jocks friends or from his hands staring to go sore because of the force he was slamming them against a hard cheekbone, a jaw and the ground beneath. It didn't matter what kind of feeling or pain it was, the whole thing was about waking some form of feeling in him.

Somewhere in-between getting kicked in the face and dragged away from the jock, Blaine realized what he had done. He got up on his feet and turned to look at face after face, set after set of eyes full of slightly scared wonder. Blaine didn't really feel that rush he had hoped for when turning, so he spun on his heel and ran to his car, pulled his keys out of his back pocket and drove off, forgetting all about his bag.

He didn't drive home that night, but he drove out into the night, settling for sleeping in the car. It was perfectly cold in it, giving him another excuse for feeling numb. It was a new focus point, a new prospect, he told himself, when he laid down in the backseat, closing his eyes and tried to drift off. But he didn't.

Something moved in him, as he tried to. Something shifted. It was easy being angry – or pretending to. Yes, he might get judged for it but it was no worse than the bullying he had been exposed to in his past. Being an outcast was part of him; it was easy to live with. He could do as Quinn, dress himself up, smoke and do stupid things. But he didn't really want to. He knew better ways to rebel. Run off, worry people sick if he could, make them regret chasing him away.

He remembered that night when his father had yelled at him for hours and hours; making both Blaine and his mother cry hard, painful tears because that wasn't the kind of happy family life either of them wanted. Blaine wanted nothing more than to be able to seek comfort in his parents, hug and kiss them. Have them tell that they cared, but they didn't.

His mother wasn't a woman of conflict; she didn't want to take sides in the matter, so she let it rest. Whenever Blaine would bring up his trouble with Mr Anderson, "_father_", she would ignore him. So they grew apart. Even if his father had sometimes tried, just the slightest bit, Blaine could tell the man wasn't serious.

Blaine fell asleep after two long hours of thinking with an expression of loneliness on his face. It covered up the hollow look he had worn while thinking, even if there was no one around to see it.

The car smelled like his childhood, blankets that had been lying in the grass, his father's cigars, and his mother's cigarettes. It had the scent of long afternoons in the park with kite flying and children's songs.

When Blaine woke the next morning, two hours after classes had started he didn't realize, but he had cried the entire night in his sleep. The almost silent whimpers had been the only thing between him and complete silence.

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><p><em>I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for all the lovely comments, the adds to favorites and such.<em>

_Again, sorry for all misspelling and/or typos_


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